Two stones, one bird: sleep at work

I’ve heard it said that Chuck Norris can kill two stones… with one bird. So too can mechanics who fall asleep beneath vehicles or soldiers sitting through lectures.

Given only 24 hours in a day, we can break the day into work, family, self, and sleep. And rather than balancing, we can integrate by, for example, exercising with one’s children (self and family).

Likewise, some of us integrate by sleeping at work. It’s quite genius. I’m sure it frees up plenty of time during the day.

If a lecture happens in an auditorium and the lights go out to show a video… nap time.

My first unit, in Hawaii, was really good about checking the box on its monthly lectures (anti-terrorism, vehicle safety, water safety, safe sex, safe exercise, career progression, guest experts…). We frequently used the base theater. It was very comfortable.

If working beneath a Humvee and it gets too quiet… nap time.

At that same unit, since I worked in admin, I got to see the NJP (non-judicial punishment or UCMJ Art. 15) paperwork in the battalion. Quite a few mechanics got written up for falling asleep beneath a vehicle. Can’t blame ’em. As a working adult, once I go horizontal, I’m out.

If a lecture happens outdoors and we’re authorized tinted eye protection (a.k.a., sunglasses)… nap time.

At OCS, Fort Benning, 2011, while wearing tinted eye protection, I remember a girl falling asleep in the bleachers. Funny thing was, she was sitting by the edge in the second or third row from the bottom, which meant no guard rail. So, she fell asleep and… fell off the bleachers.

If standing on duty and not personally responsible for checking places because that’s what subordinates are for… early nap time.

So early that, at my last unit in Texas, I never (and I mean never) once got relieved in person by the oncoming staff duty officer the next morning. From 2016 to 2017, I stood brigade-level staff duty there about six or seven times. Just about every NCO with whom I stood duty at that unit said he normally didn’t see the staff duty officer.

That same unit also had (or so I’ve heard from meetings I attended while there) the highest REFRAD rate among brigade-sized units. REFRAD means request release from active duty. It refers to Army officers voluntarily getting out.

If an appointment ends early… nap time. No rush to get back to work.

If there’s time left during the 90-min lunch break… maybe nap time. It’s 50/50, since one would be sleeping on his own time rather on someone else’s time.

If the workday’s over… wide awake!

That probably means you don’t like your job. I noticed when I attended high school that that’s just how I felt as soon as school ended. A job or school that one dislikes exhibits the same effect that Kryptonite has on Superman – take it away, and you feel awesome again.